I’ve noticed that my sister has very negative internal messages. Although she is a very effective and fully functioning adult, she seems to have very little confidence in her personal life and her professional life questionning her ability to do simple tasks. Not the view that others have of her at all.
It made me think about those little things we say to ourselves that undermine us and sabotage our lives. How much time do we spend listening to those internal messages that are anything but helpful. Humility is supposed to be a virtue but this isn’t about being humble – it is beating ourselves up.
The thoughts can pop up when we least expect or need them. Those messages like:
“I don’t have what they have…”
“I can’t…”
“I’m not good enough…”
“I’m not confident …”
“I won’t do it well enough…”
“They are better looking than me…”
Do you recognise any of those?
If your family told you constantly that you aren’t good enough would you not protect yourself from their words.
If your friends always told you you were too fat, too thin, too bald, too plain, too frumpy, too loud or too quiet would you stick around? Or would you find someone more positive to be friends with.
It reminds me of the scene in Bridget Jones where Bridget and her friends are suprised when Mark Darcy says he likes her just as she is.
Why do we listen to that voice in our heads that tells us the negative things. The voice that doesn’t give us the facts and can tell us lies.
Why not set yourself a challenge to try and replace any negative thoughts with something positive. Try it for a week and see if it changes how you feel about yourself. Some ideas are:
“I can’t” – Maybe I can’t do this very confidently today but I can try my best today and again tomorrow. Surely trying something is better than not trying at all.
“I don’t have what they have…” How do we know what they have makes them any happier, cleverer, secure? We don’t. Find three things that you do have and be thankful for them.
“I’m not good enough…” Who will be judging us? Is it our own internal standards that we set ourself that are the stumbling block?
“I’m not confident …” Think about something you are confident about – things you have achieved and positive feedback you have received.
“They are better looking than me…” Who says? You are beautiful. Find something about your appearance that you do like and start enjoying it. E.g. I have nice eyes.
If you are struggling with self confidence and negative things you say to yourself and would like some help, our therapists can assist you in putting strategies in place to change how you think about yourself. Go to the Who We Are page to find a therapist.