Every day in the UK, 17 babies will die due to stillbirth or neonatal death. This is over six thousand children per year, six thousand devastated families, which equates to 16 jumbo jets crashing, without any survivors.
Every parents’ experience is unique, and every situation is different, but the death of a baby can bring grief which is deeper and can last longer than most other people understand. Feelings such as shock, despair, anger, trauma and helplessness can follow this most devastating of bereavements, along with hypervigilance over other loved ones, particularly children. Mothers often describe feeling as though they have failed, whereas fathers report feeling profound hopelessness.
Many parents experience feelings of numbness, shock and disbelief, particularly as some go from joyous expectation to deep despair. Uncontrolable sobbing and crying are normal and some parents report finding that they have sobbed in their sleep, or have dreams where they look for the lost child. Whilst low self-esteem and a drop in confidence can be an expected outcome of the bereavement, some parents notice a more severe reaction involving suicidal feelings and depression, leading to a need to seek help.
When people are struck by this most cruel of bereavements, they can find themselves a member of a club they didn’t know existed and do not wish to participate in. Added to that, there can be a deafening silence which follows, as many who surround the bereaved couple cannot find the words to comfort and console.
As the statistics suggest, rather than being alone with this grief, there are far too many parents feeling the painful loss of a child and all the hopes and dreams they longed to share.
Where counselling can help, is in developing a unique relationship within which individuals can share their experience of loss with a therapist who is prepared to stand alongside them and who can see the pebble on their wing.